Episode 7- Sammy's Craft Burgers and Beers: 7.1
If you are willing to brave the office parks of Blue Ash, you can find a highly-rated but pricey burger joint with an inventive smattering of burgers. The question is... are they worth it?
Value is a sticky concept. Like honey—it is sweet, but put too much of it on something small, and it makes a mess.
Stay with me here. (And don’t judge too harshly…)
When you are invited to see a concert for $200, it matters whether you’ll see Gotye (famous for the ubiquitous 2011 song: “Somebody That I Used to Know”), or if you’ll be at a private concert featuring U2, Beyonce, Paul McCartney (yes, I’m showing my age, but they are indisputably awesome), and Billie Eilish (look - I included someone born after the year 2000!).
$200 is overvaluing Gotye (at least to me). But $200 is undervaluing that amazing lineup. Gotye is somebody that I used to know, so I’d go see them with you for $20 (assuming you are not a serial killer who tortures victims with reruns of Pee-Wee’s Playhouse).
I would have to pay $200+ to see any one of those other artists. Put all four of them on the same stage… yes please, may I have another. (I might even go with a serial killer like you if you limited my exposure to Pee-Wee’s Playhouse…)
So as I was saying, value is sticky. The cost you attach to an offering dramatically affects how I perceive that offering. Returning to the honey analogy — I drown individual McNuggets with honey because that combination is heavenly (Yes I eat McDonalds—don’t judge. When you are on the road, it is hard to beat fried extracted chicken-adjacent meat product smothered in pure honey). But if I’m having tea, I only want a little honey. I don’t want to drink honey. I’m not a bear. I’m a man.
What was I saying? Oh yeah. Get the value right, and life is swell. Get it wrong, and all of a sudden an exciting opportunity becomes objectionable, offensive even. If you overvalue your burger, it can go from something I’d gladly eat to: “Get out of here!” Which brings us to Sammy’s.
In a nondescript intersection on the outskirts of Blue Ash hides a little restaurant renowned for their burgers: Sammy’s Craft Burgers and Beer. I have eaten there many times — often for lunch. It was just down the road from my office. The outside patio was always packed on nice days.
Apparently, either times have changed (COVID), or they don’t have as big of a dinner crowd:
Side note: there are now four times as many TVs as I remember. And their “Burger of the Month” is also gone. However, they otherwise have the same creative collection of burgers — with ingredients like chorizo, jalapeño straws, pancetta, and spicy maple glaze — with an equally creative selection of sides —garlic fries, beer cheese fries, zucchini fries, onion rings, and sweet potato fries. (And they have spiked milkshakes! I mean come on…)
When you go in, sit down and pick up a menu… What’s this? Your eye is not drawn to the creativity of their offerings. No. It’s drawn to the average cost of their burgers. It must be 19 or 20 bucks! (Or to be exact: $19.60… I mean a friend told me… I’m not so anal-retentive I’d actually calculate the number…)
I was not paying $19 for a Sammy’s burger at lunch three years ago. What happened? Choose your own adventure:
If you think the price indicates inflation is out of control, turn to page 21.
If they jacked up prices to pay for their many TVs, turn to page 43.
If they’re betting that’s what suburbanites will pay to avoid driving downtown or, heaven forbid, to OTR, turn to page 75.
We had immediate sticker shock. But in the face of adversity, the strong press on. So we steeled ourselves and placed our orders. Four different burgers for four different men. We settled in to wait and see whether we were going to an overpriced Gotye concert or about to get the star-studded show of a lifetime. Speaking of studs…
DEEP THOUGHTS
Jack Handey: I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records.
No two ways to cut it: value is subjective. We are simply four people bringing four perspectives to the table. If you had been able to join us, your perspective may have been radically different. (I am bummed you were busy that night — we missed you!)
But we will share our honest review. So in honor of the great Jack Handey, here are the ruminations of our celebrated, certified Burger Tasters:
Nick: Anywhere that has spiked milkshakes is right next to heaven in my book.
Mike: That is good. That is really good. The jalapeño is a little much, but other than that, it is really good.
Steve: I thought the onion rings were fantastic
Josh: Apparently not a lot of people go out in Blue Ash for dinner…
THE RATINGS
Of their 10 burgers, we tried four:
Maple Bacon: Spicy maple glaze, bacon, and cheddar cheese.
Fire in the Hole: Breaded jalapeños, chipotle adobo, pepper jack cheese, lettuce, tomato and chipotle mayo
Sammy's: Sammy's Sauce, sunny side up egg, crisp bacon, Mozzarella cheese, field greens and tomato
Guacamole: Guacamole, chipotle mayo, crisp bacon, pepper jack cheese, field greens and fresh tomato.
And we sampled their garlic fries, Fretboard beer cheese fries, and onion rings. Let’s get into the ratings.
Meat: 7.8
Sammy’s came out of the gate swinging strong with a good solid meat score. Sure, it had its detractors. One member *cough* Steve *cough* found it a bit dry, but he did order it medium and it came out a bit more medium well. You can’t please all of the people all of the time. Those of us who ordered medium rare had enough pink in the center to keep things juicy.
One of the highlights of this burger in my opinion was the meat to bun to fixin’s ratio. It was well balanced. I hate to see the meat disappear in the burger (Unless of course the meat is terrible… but then you’re buying a cake only for the icing. What are we, five years old?). I have not met Sammy, but I’ll tell you he cares a lot about crafting his burger proportions, and I think he nailed it.
Bun: 7.9
I’m a sucker for a good brand on my bun. For those of you who remember the 007 Burger Fiasco (the worst burger I have ever eaten), you’d think I’d have learned to avoid branded buns. But no. I think they rock.
Another reason this bun rocks: it holds up well. Too often the bottom bun starts to fall apart or gets too mushy on the bottom to hold comfortably. Not this bun. It is strong and firm until the end. Gripping it just feels right… (It is hard to talk about a bun in a completely platonic way. Let’s move on.)
Fixin’s: 8.2
This is where Sammy’s performed the best out of almost all the categories. We had caramelized bacon, delectable maple glaze, a good runny egg... Mike so enjoyed his Fire in the Hole burger, he uttered sounds grown men are often unwilling to express in public.
Two of us added onion straws to the burger, and those crispy shoestring twists of happiness put a smile on my face with every bite.
Burger (Meat, Bun & Fixin’s): 7.9
The burger performed well. Designed with love, attractively served, and deserving of its many local accolades. Folks in the ‘burbs should be proud to have this burger as their neighbor. My hat goes off to Sammy. He’s done a fine thing here. A fine thing.
Fries: 7.1
This is another area we had a bit of an outlier. Our night’s skeptic *cough* Steve *cough* rated the fries at almost HALF what others rated. In fairness, he had the garlic fries, and they were a bit potatoey for his tastes and were swimming in garlic soup. Soggy potato sticks reeking of garlic. Not particularly appetizing.
I however had beer cheese and bacon fries which were a delight. The onion rings were a big hit. Something about their batter was both more substantial and lighter than a standard onion ring. We would have gone back for seconds of the onion rings, but we were too stuffed. Which speaks to the generous size of their portions.
Environment: 6.9
Sammy’s took a bit of a hit here. The restaurant is fine. When empty, you can see a bit more of its faults and flaws. I normally notice and enjoy the music at these joints, but whatever we were listening to was uninspiring. One of the TV’s kept flashing. The room was brightly lit, and even the relatively cool elements didn’t do much to bring up the overall vibe. (I dug the table tops as well as the aluminum plates — way better than the old baskets they used)
Menu: 8.4
Here we have the highest score Sammy’s achieved in any category. Even our night’s skeptic rated them highly here. I’ve seen their menu morph over the years, and their new offerings were always worth trying. I’m sad their Burger of the Month appears to be gone, because it birthed some of their current mainstays. When I visited, I would often get a burger I had never tried before, and I always enjoyed it. It is something special to go somewhere familiar and experience something new.
We sometimes poo-poo the “menu” category, but the category was made for a place such as this. Sammy’s took the time to make interesting burger offerings, and here they have the chance to shine.
Value: 3.3
Here’s the rub. For $15, I’m all about this burger. For $19, I’m getting a little wary. But you add some onion straws and upgrade to beer cheese fries, and you’re paying, excuse me, what was that? $27 FREAKING DOLLARS?!?! For a burger?! I’m not even at the Precinct or some other swanky steakhouse. I’m not getting launched into space with my buddies Jeff and Elon. This is a good burger trying to play itself off like the best experience ever created. No. Just…. no.
It would be like hiring a plumber to fix your sink, and hearing their bill is $30,000. I’m sorry, but I don’t care how great you are at your job. That price point leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
That’s what happened with Sammy’s. Such great food… but you still leave with a bad taste in your mouth. We used to be so good together. What changed, Sammy’s? I didn’t change. You changed.
Enjoyment: 6.9
Well let’s get back to what Sammy’s did well. We had really good service. The chef checked in on us. He did a great job and made a great burger. Look at our empty plates. Them was some good eatin’. While this is a good score, it’s not a blowout, $27-burger-level score either.
One final comment potentially related to the time of our visit: the energy of the place did sap a little off our overall enjoyment. It is hard to keep yourself from looking around at an empty restaurant and asking, “What does everyone else seem to know that we don’t?” (Answer: Too Expensive!)
Rating Guesstimate: 7.6
This rating guesstimate falls in between the overall score (7.1) and the burger score (7.9). It goes to show you how much more goes into a burger experience than just the burger. The value, environment and enjoyment scores certainly weighed Sammy’s down.
Overall: 7.1
Walking away, this score feels right. Sammy’s has the potential to be a great burger experience — one that could attract city-dwellers like us out to the office parks of Blue Ash. But sadly, that valuation is too far out of whack, knocking their score down to good-not-great.
Sammy’s Craft Burgers and Beers has justifiably won much acclaim and more than a few honors, because they care deeply about creating a great burger. However, they fall short of creating a great burger experience, and their biggest flaw is in the pricing of their burger. We simply couldn’t justify paying that much, even for a burger this good.
You win some. You loose some. And sometime you gotta curl up on the couch and let Cobra Kai take you back to a simpler time when karate was cool, seat belts were optional, and grown men focused their lives entirely on helping a couple high schoolers win a local trophy. Cheers.
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