Episode 1- Jack Brown's Beer & Burger Joint: 8.0

Our first foray into the delectable world of Cincinnati burgers takes us to the neighborhood dive bar that isn't really...

And so it begins.

On a beautiful Wednesday evening in late October, 2021, the Cincy Burger Club held our first official gathering. A momentous occasion to say the least. We gathered in the recently opened Jack Brown’s Beer and Burger joint on Main Street in OTR (Over The Rhine for the uninitiated). After months of planning, there we were. Teeming crowds gathered to observe with bated breath. The soundtrack to Lord of the Rings wafted in the background. Heads of state called in to wish us luck.

I know what you’re thinking - shouldn’t you be wearing matching t-shirts? Yes. Yes we should. But they were delayed (thanks pandemic… you ruin everything…) so we’ll have to wait for the unveiling of the t-shirts until next time. (Speaking of pandemics, we are all vaccinated [some even have their booster], and if you want to judge people based on their COVID distancing, masking, or whatever, I recommend you go back to Twitter where you belong. Yes, that is an insult as you so brilliantly surmised.)

When you enter Jack Brown’s you immediately think “neighborhood dive bar”. Clearly great pains were taken to achieve that, since it is in fact a multi-city chain across the southeast. You’ll find your bartender/server to be very helpful and attentive, getting you acquainted with the menu and beer offerings. Then if you are as fortunate as we were, the sweet, sweet melodies of 90’s alternative rock will transport you back to a place of youth, vitality, rebellion, and joy (Mr. Jones, Take My Picture, One Headlight… the hits just kept coming!). You immediately say to yourself, “Self, you have made a good choice!”

Added bonus: this place is open late (kitchen was open until 11:30pm!). So if your burger can’t start until after your kids are in bed (or you are a late night partier) this place can accommodate!

There are 8 burgers you can choose from on this menu, and a special burger that rotates based on the day of the week. If you like this place, you can come here repeatedly as a regular and never get bored. The craft beer selection was also impressive for a joint as small as this was.

DEEP THOUGHTS

Jack Handey: I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. 

Now it’s time for your one-liner highlight quote from each member. In honor of the classic “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey”.

So without further adieu… Deep Thoughts by the Cincy Burger Club on Jack Brown’s:

Mike: I wouldn’t change anything.

Josh: In full disclosure… this is my third burger night in a row…

Steve: Best crinkle cut fries I’ve ever had

Nick: Another great song! Seriously this place is killing it!

RATINGS

Let’s get to the ratings.

Between the four of us we tried 5 burgers. They were $9 burgers since they were specialty burgers, with $3 fries on the side. Once we saw the burger’s size, we were happy to have the 5th one (1.25 burgers of these burgers equals a real burger… Not sure if the owners are lightweights, calorie conscious, budget conscious, or what). We tried:

• The Classic Jack: American cheese, special sauce, caramelized onions (you can pronounce it “Kare-a-malized” - don’t listen to the haters who insist on “Kahr-a-melized”. Those people are suckers).

• Chiflet: Bacon, egg, American/cheddar blend + add caramelized onions

• Dr Gonzo: Fried onions, bacon, Swiss, no shrooms + add an egg

• The Elvis: Peanut butter, mayo, bacon, and American/cheddar blend

• And we split the Burger of the Day which was the Rickety Cricket: Chili, caramelized onions, shredded cheddar, sour cream, and Fritos

Rating guesstimate: 7.7

We all really enjoyed ourselves. If a 1 is White Castle, and a 10 is just this side of heaven, you’ll know we expected the ratings to be really solid after we were done. A 7.7 is nothing to sneeze at.

Meat: 7.9

This was a tough one. The meat was good. It’s a “smash burger” according to our bartender/server, but that’s not entirely accurate. It is a smaller patty, but not that smashed. Think Zips if you are a Cincy native. The size left a bit to be desired, as did the medium well temperature of most of the burgers. At least one burger we tried was cooked medium, and that was a delight. However, this patty packed a strong punch for its size, and we were all pleasantly surprised as we wolfed down the burg.

Bun: 7.7

This was actually a big surprise. At first glance — that bun does not impress. But then, with your first bite you realize some real TLC went into preparing that beauty. The crisp grilled/fried inner surface combined perfectly with the rather light and buttered outside. Suddenly, that bun turned the tables and you were biting into a winner.

Fixin’s: 7.4

While creative and interesting, Jack Brown’s actually underwhelmed in this category. The bacon was good but not “write-home-about-it” great. The fixin’ to burger ratio left a bit to be desired (that small patty… I’m telling you it’s like a burger for ants…). The eggs on both burgers were “over hard” (That’s just not right. Eggs on burgers should be over easy. As God intended.) But the chili on the Rickety Cricket was the perfect amount (not overwhelming your taste buds), and the Fritos were a nice touch. Overall for the price point, the fixin’s seemed appropriate.

Fries: 7.7

Crinkle Cut. Come on people… Now, Steve did say these were the best crinkle cut fries he has ever had, but still… (Why have the best of the worst category when you can just make something better? I would argue the “best fruitcake ever made” is still worse than the “worst ice cream cake” ever made. Just sayin… ). This rating would have been a lot lower if one outlier *cough* Mike *cough* hadn’t thrown in a 9. But the fries complemented the burger well and did not detract from the experience.

Environment: 8.9

This. Place. Rocked. I do of course mean 90’s alternative rock, but out of the 20-30 songs we heard, all but one were memorable hits from our adolescent days. It was incredible. We all enjoyed it, and if one outlier *cough* Mike again *cough* hadn’t thrown a 7.5 in, it would have been the only category above a nine (there’s no accounting for some people’s tastes…). Cozy, “dive”-ish, and straightforward. This bar knows what their clientele wants, even if it is a chain disguised as a non-chain.

Menu: 8.2

Eight different specialty burgers and seven rotating burger offerings. A half-dozen or so craft beers on tap and craft beer cans out the wazoo. This place is catering very specifically to burger-club-style people. This was a really solid menu.

Value: 8.0

There was a bit of a dispute on how much “Value” was really represented here. One member felt it was one of the highest possible value — you could get a basic burger and fries of this high of quality and be out for under $10. Others were a little disappointed that the cheaper price point was reflected in the size of the burger and the quality of the fixin’s. This score is not a ding on the joint’s value. A 5 means you got what you paid for; while a 1 means you got robbed. Jack Brown’s offers a very respectable value.

Enjoyment: 8.7

This was a very enjoyable burger experience. Great service, great environment, great burger. The other patrons were having a good time. We were having a good time. The staff seemed to be having a good time. That’s what I call a win-win-win.

Overall: 8.0

The actual rating beat our guesstimate, and that’s really no surprise. This joint performed well in every category across the board. We expect to be back before we’ve made it through this entire list because it was that good. If I find myself in that part of OTR and I’m hungry - this place will be calling my name.

P.S. One last thing worth mentioning. Two critical moments in every relationship happen in the first encounter. The initial impression and the last thing you do in that first encounter. Jack Brown’s strives to fulfill on the first with their environment, service and menu selection. However, it knows not to neglect the second. That is why before you leave they will ask you to indulge in a, for the low price of only $1… wait for it… fried Oreo. That’s right! And I’m telling you, it seals the deal. Two rules in life worth remembering — don’t skip leg day and don’t skip the fried Oreo.

MORE ABOUT JACK BROWN’S BEER & BURGER JOINT

Jack Brown’s website

Jack Brown’s location

Jack Brown’s menu